They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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