it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.