your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
