I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.