Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Still dying that you shit outside
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many