The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(