i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
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Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
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I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.