just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My dick has a subreddit
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
