thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
