my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize