i would punch a child for taco bell
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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