I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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