Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
