I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
