I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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