Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Houston, we have a blender
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I didn't notice because vodka
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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