I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
