White coat. Heels.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
