I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
