drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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