how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
