I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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