When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize