HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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