Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize