Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
COCAINE IS GR8
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