Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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