i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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