Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
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