i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
