WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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