I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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