fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
