Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
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I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
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How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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