I didn't shave. On purpose
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
