i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
