why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
