I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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