God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
