can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
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