So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
