i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
