i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
