Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If I die, sorry about rent.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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