I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
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Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
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It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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