This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
