I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
