watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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