eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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