She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
