how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
