I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Randomize
