sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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