So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
