Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
