Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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