I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
