i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
