...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
