my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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