I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Is Oprah even human
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
