So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
