I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
