1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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