I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
