Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
