last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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