Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
false alarm. still invincible.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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