Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize