if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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