He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
