I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
