I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
