you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
