hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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