I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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