I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
